when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize