God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
