theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
