ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
