I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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