Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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