seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
