I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize