You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
