I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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