I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
