did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
