I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
