I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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