i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
