yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
