Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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