i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
dude. I can hear the air.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
