fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
