just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
