Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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