Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
