I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
