I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The uberlube is also flammable
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
