Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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