This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
