So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
