p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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