Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
