The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
