Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
