i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
