I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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