You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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