Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
