and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
