Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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