So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize