I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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