His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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