He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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