I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
