trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
