Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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