you guys were way drunker than both of me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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