3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
