Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
