I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
