Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
