She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
