youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
