she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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