i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
