So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
