How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize