Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize