So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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