Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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