The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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