At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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