some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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