This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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